Living with grief

I’ve lived alone now for over three months. first while my husband was in the hospital and then after his death on November 22, 2020. And I have to say living alone is a lonely business. I don’t find anything to redeem it. And it’s made much worse these days because of the COVID shut down. There is no socializing with friends and family – PERIOD. Of course I’ve received lots of heartfelt and loving cards, phone calls, texts, and notes on social media. However, what’s missing the most is a real live hug.

So I’ve been keeping myself busy by writing – here, in my journal, and my poem a day. I’ve given myself those assignments to help with the grief and to produce something meaningful throughout this time.

I’m also spending a lot of time doing all the things a person has to do when a spouse dies. Coincidentally, the LA Times had an article about it just today. Here’s some of the things I’ve been doing:

Call social security about survivor benefits

Cancel his health insurance

Contact banks, brokerages, and credit card companies and either cancel accounts or transfer them to my name only.

Other things to avoid:

Don’t give away money or assets prematurely

Be careful about making big changes, such as moving or selling my home too soon

And don’t do any of it alone. Thankfully, I have a financial planner, a tax accountant, and an attorney helping me out. Plus my husband and I created a living trust three years ago, so I don’t have to worry about that. It is clear that I am the sole survivor and heir.

Right now I’m still filling out affidavits to get accounts and money transferred from his estate to me. That’s what I have to do for the rest of this day. The paperwork has  been endless – just finding the accounts was a major endeavor.

All of the above besides wallowing in grief. Somebody asked me today what stage of grief I’m in. I couldn’t tell her. I don’t care what stage I’m in. Grief is grief in my mind.

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