It’s hard to live after death

For the last several months I’ve written a little poem every day. Something that would take no more than ten minutes to compose. I’ve kept that up even through out my husband Bob’s illness and in the days since he died. Writing, as you probably know, keeps me alive. It lets me put my pain on the page. Here are a few of my most recent poems written since Bob died.   I don’t know how I am managing To walk, to live in this house To even breathe My husband of over fifty years Died last night. He just stopped breathing And thinking And talking And eating and walking He just stopped all the things That one does to live. He was done with all that He left me alone To find a way to live without him To learn to walk again Without him. And I wonder If I’ll ever be able To do that unless he’s By my side.   I decided not To see him dead, Which meant I couldn’t touch him One last time. I had seen him The day before he died During a FaceTime chat He … [Read more...]

Remembering Thanksgiving 2014

We were thrilled to celebrate Thanksgiving with my sister and her family in Portland Oregon this year and were overwhelmed with the gorgeous fall colors. We don't have trees turning yellow, orange, and deep reds in Southern California nor do we have the bountiful rain that fell in Portland while we were there - in fact we hardly have any rain at all. I took the following shots through a window that was sprinkled with rain drops. The day after Thanksgiving we went to visit the Oregon pinot noir wine region. Here is a wine press prominently displayed on the patio of Anne Amie Winery (the palm tree in the background made me feel right at home). Besides some lovely pinots I also sampled dark chocolate covered hazelnuts that are a main crop in the region. … [Read more...]

What are you grateful for?

My blogging friend, Pam Young, wrote down her list of things she's grateful for, and I decided to copy her. This is the season to think about such things. Gratitude has been on my mind a lot lately - especially since my husband Bob of 42 years seems to be experiencing a lot a pain in his hip, and I worry about him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, and I'm trying to be positive that nothing will. Our marriage and our friendship is something I am very grateful for. Here's my list - at least so far: My good health and healthy life style of a good diet and lots of exercise My happy marriage My wonderful son and daughter-in-law That I can continue to write and work toward ending the stigma of mental illness and preventing suicide Many loving friends and family members That I can still workout or take a walk every day of the week That I live in what I think is the most beautiful place in the world only 10-minutes from the beach That we live comfortably … [Read more...]

New traditions for our 2011 holidays

Now that I've ordered our Thanksgiving turkey, I've started to think about the holidays. They are always hard for me since we don't have Paul with us, but this year's Thanksgiving will be different and I suspect very wonderful. We're sharing it with our daughter-in-law Marissa's family. Everyone will come to our house and bring their Thanksgiving specialty dish to share. I'm the turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberries person. The rest is up to our ten guests. I can't wait to try some new foods, get to know my new family better, and perhaps start a new Thanksgiving tradition. A friend of mine recently sent me this piece about ways to change our holiday gift giving traditions. I think there are a lot of good ideas here. If you agree, please share them with your family and friends. Maybe we can show we care about each other in a whole new way this year. The Holidays 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high … [Read more...]